Don't tickle my pinky

I might have broken my pinky today during P.E. At first I was pretty pissed because I don’t break bones ever, not even fracture them. In essence, I am an injury virgin. I’m typing one-handed because it still hurts pretty bad. Despite the gross swollenness, there are some positive outcomes of this incident. I got to get a bag of ice which I later drank (it was fucking hot today!), I got out of my piano lesson and I might be able to get out of P.E. for a couple of weeks. But it also provided inspiration for this post.

So back to how my pinky got in its current state; dude threw the football, I tried to catch it, and it smashed against my finger. Now onto the observation and revelation that followed. This is more common in guys, but I’ve noticed that in times of crisis (my finger thing isn’t really a crisis but close enough), people tend to put on a brave face, as if nothing fazes them. I am definitely one of those people. My pinky was in excruciating pain and when the dude asked me if I was ok all I said was, “I can’t catch right now”, rather than tell him the truth, that my finger was hurting like a bitch. And I started to wonder why people assume this tough persona when it is so apparent that they are in pain whether physical or emotional.

For me, I guess it has always been the fear that people would see me as weak. It’s a certain group of people though; I guess the people whom I haven’t deemed would react favorably in light of my state of vulnerability. So then that got me thinking, when and in front of what people is it acceptable for me to let my guard down? And then I ran through this mental list of everyone I know, and other than my immediate family members, I couldn’t think of anyone I’d be completely comfortable with seeing me cry, hurt, etc. And here’s where the revelation comes in. Maybe I need have more faith in people; faith that they are better than just those types who display their less than authentic good Samaritan act and pity me for all the wrong reasons. I think when I can do this, or any of you “tough guys” out there can do this, we will feel sensationally better because we know we are surrounded by those who we can reveal our true selves to, especially the truth that involves snotty tears and fucked up pinkies.

-Vivian